there's a mad monster under my bed

So the picture is a bit of a laugh (I know I burst out laughing when I first saw it!) but it also (in a cheesy way) comforts me. The past month has been a non-stop hammering device against my sense of order and peace. I feel like a kid with a bad case of monsters under her bed. And I'm no Boo from Monster's Inc. Yet, when I had to draw my sword last night to confront the madness, God reminded me from Psalm 119:41-72 that this trial is good for me. I should be grateful! It's good because my frustration, doubts and yes, even bitterness which I harbor, must be shaken out of their dormant state if I am to be healed. Of course, sometimes the healing is just as painful as the wounding. Still, it's not that sin wasn't there to begin with, it's just that the monster was sleeping (sometimes fitfully).Alanis Morissette's Flavors of Entanglement has two songs which sum up the experience and the relationship: Tapes and Madness. Good stuff. (Yes, they are on youtube.) Anyway, I have O. Chambers's My Utmost for His Highest which I've been going through for 10 years now. Time for a re-post of the message! 12-14-2011 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled . . . —John 14:27 Whenever we experience something difficult in our personal life, we are tempted to blame God. But we are the ones in the wrong, not God. Blaming God is evidence that we are refusing to let go of some disobedience somewhere in our lives. But as soon as we let go, everything becomes as clear as daylight to us. As long as we try to serve two masters, ourselves and God, there will be difficulties combined with doubt and confusion. Our attitude must be one of complete reliance on God. Once we get to that point, there is nothing easier than living the life of a saint. We encounter difficulties when we try to usurp the authority of the Holy Spirit for our own purposes. God’s mark of approval, whenever you obey Him, is peace. He sends an immeasurable, deep peace; not a natural peace, “as the world gives,” but the peace of Jesus. Whenever peace does not come, wait until it does, or seek to find out why it is not coming. If you are acting on your own impulse, or out of a sense of the heroic, to be seen by others, the peace of Jesus will not exhibit itself. This shows no unity with God or confidence in Him. The spirit of simplicity, clarity, and unity is born through the Holy Spirit, not through your decisions. God counters our self-willed decisions with an appeal for simplicity and unity. My questions arise whenever I cease to obey. When I do obey God, problems come, not between me and God, but as a means to keep my mind examining with amazement the revealed truth of God. But any problem that comes between God and myself is the result of disobedience. Any problem that comes while I obey God (and there will be many), increases my overjoyed delight, because I know that my Father knows and cares, and I can watch and anticipate how He will unravel my problems.