Wisdom Screaming

I’ve recently turned 29, a real wake up call to start evaluating the choices I’ve made. I’m too young to feel so tired but I’m exhausted…and I’m too old to blame anyone but myself. So I’m starting at the beginning, and this blog will be my intentional collection of hopes, intentions and desires. I believe that God has a great plan for me, for my life…if I don’t trip things up by stupidity. Lewis Carroll’s Alice once asked the Cheshire Cat what she should do to get home. In his infernally mad way, he actually responded quite intelligently. Begin at the beginning and go till you get to the end, then stop. The mad cat’s advice has stayed with me. My calling is love: to love God, to love others. No other. It’s the glorious journey set before me, before each of us to love God, honor the King and keep the brotherhood. But what is loving? To figure that out I need wisdom…yet something holds me back, and I hesitate. Do I desire wisdom? Have I sought her honesty?
Once, I had a friend but something went dreadfully wrong. Selfishness tied with insecurity and pride robbed us of friendship and the glorious opportunity to grow in unity as co-heirs in Christ. My friend’s last words were peace and prayer but the bitterness of the message mocked the significance of their meanings. Peace was no where to be found and those uttered blessings were in vain. Those precious words, meant to soothe and strengthen only caused pain. But I learned a lesson from it. The truth of peace still comes to my mind and challenges me to always be honest in my chats with God and others. Do I want peace with others or are my steps leading to contention and discord? Proverbs is a book that shows the two paths that we all walk: Life and Death. My choices matter: the conversations, the little things which may not seem exciting or particularly noteworthy, matter because everything is a choice on a path. Which path am I walking?
Recently, I watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and in the final scenes Indiana goes through the challenges to get the Holy Grail, the cup of Christ, which promises eternal life. There are three tests the brilliant Dr. Jones must pass before he can reach the cup. The first is penitence and the demonstration of humility. Indiana must kneel and bow to survive the deadly blades which slice through the air (and cut off the proud one’s head). This first test is an every moment decision for me: am I showing humility? (Psalm 131) Am I willing to concede that I am not my own, that I have been bought with a price—by Christ? When I fail to live my identity as a child of God, I can only get to the source by first showing humility, confessing and doing my best to reach out to my love one and seek peace, the balm of love.
But Wisdom warns that the path to life is not yet over. Indiana’s second challenge is to literally choose the ground that he must stand on. The floor is over a stone hopscotch maze of letters and if he missteps, the hero plummets to his death below the deceptive flooring. The only firm foundation is the Word, the name of God. (Psalm 72:17; John 1:1; Col. 1:15-20) What is my foundation? What do I trust? My own efforts? My actions, my gifts, my abilities, when I think I grasp the vision, I fail and misstep. My judgment that deviates from the Word is inimical to my relationships and I’m not the only one hurt. Broken bonds of promise—even as I grasp Wisdom’s hand and am rescued from the Fool’s death, I suffer and mourn what’s lost: a lost opportunity to love and a shipwrecked heart. Yet the challenge is presented again and again and the success of the mission is always guaranteed if we trust the Word, the name of God.
The third test on the path is the most difficult. It’s the step of faith, that there is a provision, a way made ready for the one who desires life. Stepping out from what is seen into the unseen, yet not as one who doesn’t know the way since our hero’s eyes are fixed on path, the heavenly vision. He walks straight and neither deviates to the left or the right. It is only when he has stepped out that he is able to begin to understand the brilliance at work. Brilliance. I’m always searching for the brilliance I’m lacking. Long before the end, I feel like I can’t go on in the beautiful path. I could hate another for leaving, for not loving me. But I understand. I lack brilliance, and so the search continues for him and for me. Something better than me and, because it is out there, all is not lost.

And this is Wisdom’s call to me now. All is not lost and this year’s loving will be moderated by her good counsel. I’m studying proverbs daily, searching the Scriptures for patterns of sense and truth, setting aside the world’s advice in light of life. Wisdom is on the corners of every page, screaming for someone to stop, listen and live. Life goes on after the first son of earth is gone. A new One is on the horizon. (Eph. 5:14)

Heavenly Father, grant your child the reward of righteousness and let the words of my mouth be as pure silver, true and good (Proverbs 10:20). When I hear Wisdom this year, Father, may she be roaring encouragement as I run the path of life.


In its own way, the song, After The Storm by Mumford and Sons, has reminded me of my journey---

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.